Being gentle with ourselves
It’s been a looong time since I’ve visited my blog. Since I’ve been on facebook, since I’ve touched my website. I have an email list for a newsletter that I’ve never sent.
The longer it stretched, the harder it was to get motivated.
On top of that, our family’s gone through a bunch of upheaval over the past few years. One thing after another, with health scares, moving home, loss and deaths.
I’m not telling you this because I want you to feel sorry for us or buy my art. We’re doing fine financially, it’s our emotional and mental health that’s suffered and as a result my art and dreams fell by the wayside. Believe me, we really hit rock bottom here.
The reason I’m sharing this with everyone now is that I’ve turned a corner. I’m giving myself a fluffy hug and starting again. I’m sharing this because I want to help you, or your friend, or your cousin who has struggled with depression or anxiety to breathe again.
It’s okay to stumble, to fall, to outright crash and burn and lay whimpering in the wreckage. That’s part of life’s cycle, we need to give ourselves time to heal and learn from the experience. It doesn’t matter how badly we feel we’ve stuffed up, we can still recover our balance, climb up out of that dark hole.
I’m not going to tell you these tough times are “meant to be”. They suck.
Hugely sucky, sh*tty events happen in life. They happen to nice people and not-so-nice people. We can’t control them and realising this is what gave me the strength to start to pull my life back together.
Yes, there are probably things I could have done differently, or better, or sooner. But there’s no guarantee that the awfulness wouldn’t still have happened. Our little family still would have had physical and mental illness, deaths and loss to deal with.
It’s been a grueling journey and I hope the rays of sunlight that are beginning to break through are the start of easier times for us. If they’re not, well, I’m stronger now and I’ve learnt how to use my anger at the unfairness of life.
Over the past six months, I’ve built myself up to a daily creative process. I’m showing up every single day to create my art and it’s been so, so healing for me. I’m able to be a better mum and wife because I’m being kinder to myself and I’m feeling so much stronger.
So now I’m setting some public goals here today. I’ve spruced up my website a little and added an online shop. I’m starting to write for my blog each week.
I’m creating the first of my monthly newsletters this week and I’m gonna send that baby out to all 43 people who signed up for it. Most of them probably don’t even remember who I am, it’s so long since they hit ‘subscribe’. I’ll probably have half of them just delete it, it doesn’t matter.
The point is that I’m doing it. I’m not going to let our sucky life events define what I do with my life anymore.
And maybe this will help someone else out there to do the same.